Week 1 happened. We acknowledge its existence. We will not be taking questions at this time. The Packers somehow produced nine explosive plays in Minnesota, averaged 6.3 yards per play, held the Vikings to 3.9… and lost by 17.
Twelve penalties. Two turnovers. Ten points from four trips inside the red zone.
That’s not football. That’s performance art. But we’re onto New York.
TIGER BLOOD STATUS: QUESTIONABLE
Green Bay enters Week 2 at 0–1 and, more disturbingly, hasn’t won a regular-season game since early December. Six straight losses. The Packers haven’t started a season 0–2 since 2006, so this feels like an appropriate moment to stop doing whatever this is.
Across the field are the undefeated New York Jets, a sentence we’re contractually obligated to take seriously for at least one week. They went into Tennessee and won 23–10. Geno Smith completed 19 of 24 passes without taking a sack. Breece Hall ran for more than 100 yards. Garrett Wilson caught six passes.
So yes, the Jets are currently winning. Cute.
PROTECT THE MAN WITH THE TIGER BLOOD
If you’re looking for the entire game in one matchup, start with Green Bay’s offensive line. Minnesota attacked it relentlessly. Everybody saw it. Unfortunately, that includes Jets coach Aaron Glenn. New York has Will McDonald IV, rookie David Bailey and former Packer Kingsley Enagbare coming after Jordan Love. MetLife should at least make communication easier than it was inside U.S. Bank Stadium, but there is nowhere to hide now. Either Week 1 was a Brian-Flores-induced fever dream… or we’ve got a problem.
TOUCHDOWNS. TRY THEM.
Here is perhaps the most insane statistic from Week 1: Nine explosive plays. 22 points. Green Bay reached the red zone four times and came away with one touchdown and ten total points. Guys. The end zone is right there. You can see it.
Seven points live inside it.
Explosive plays are great. Driving 70 yards is great. Looking aesthetically pleasing between the 20s is great. Eventually somebody has to cross the white line holding the football.
MEANWHILE, GENO IS FEELING HIMSELF
The Packers defense was better in Minnesota than “39 points allowed” would suggest, but this isn’t exactly a recovery week. Geno Smith was barely touched against Tennessee. Breece Hall went over 100. Garrett Wilson remains Garrett Wilson.
And Green Bay is still waiting for Micah Parsons to return.
The interesting part is the Jets offensive line. Their young tackles held up well in Week 1, while former Packer Josh Myers is sitting right in the middle at center. Hello, old friend. The Packers need to make Geno considerably less comfortable than Tennessee did. Preferably immediately.
ENTER: TREY SMACK
Yes, our kicker’s name is Trey Smack. And yes, he casually drilled a 59-yarder in his NFL debut. This is exactly the kind of person we need right now. The complication: that kick happened indoors. Sunday could bring rain, and MetLife’s wind has a reputation for turning kicking into a minor psychological experiment. After Green Bay missed an extra point and surrendered a damaging kickoff return last week, we’d enjoy a Sunday in which special teams simply behaves normally. Although asking for “normal” in an article involving Trey Smack and Charlie Sheen energy feels hypocritical.
THE TTEU MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS
The Packers don’t need to look beautiful Sunday. They don’t need to make a statement. They don’t need anyone on television saying they’ve “silenced the doubters.” They need to score touchdowns when they reach the red zone, stop committing twelve penalties, keep Jordan Love upright and figure out who takes control when the game starts going sideways.
Because 1–1? Fine. 0–2? We’re going to need more tiger blood.
SUNDAY SERVICE 🇫🇷🧀
Fortunately, while Green Bay attempts to restore order in New Jersey, we’ll be handling matters from Paris.
PACKERS @ JETS
Sunday, 20 September · 19:00 Paris
Sundays at O’Neil · Paris
Cold beer. Green & Gold. Questionable emotional stability. And unlike last week’s late kickoff, this one starts at the extremely civilized hour of 19:00, which means we can experience all five stages of Packers football and still catch the Métro home.
Winning. Go Pack Go. 🇫🇷🧀
